Family

Of the many things that are consistent across different countries, languages and cultures, few are as challenging as family relationships. It seems like families (blood and in-laws) can do so much good but also create so much havoc. Why is that? Breakdown in communication, personal history, and hurts from long ago that never quite healed seem to create situations ripe for chaotic familial experiences. I went through something like that this week and I still feel emotionally drained.

Angry America...angry world

Has anyone noticed that there are A LOT of angry people out there. It seems like everyone is angry about something...black, white, brown, democrat, republican, young, old. Why? It seems sad that things have gotten to this part. I admit that are many challenges facing this country but it seems like demonizing the 'other' side, spewing venom at anyone who will listen, and then hiding behind the anonymity of discussion groups and blogs is just wrong. It seems like technology is allowing anger (no matter how brief in a person's mind) to spread across the globe quickly.

I think the anonymity helps people to spread venom without thought. How many people would actually have the guts to go to a person's face and say half the things they are willing to write on a blog or a message board? I doubt very many would. A Facebook 'friend' (I put it in quotes because I really didn't know the guy very well) put up a hateful message about California. I called him out on it but on a personal message to him. His response was to defriend me. He feels comfortable to spew hate but can't handle someone actually trying to engage him on it.

All of this anger is starting to wear on me. Any suggestions out there as to how to deal with an angry world? Not reacting to anger with more anger would be a good start. As Ghandhi said, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

Peace out...

Sugata

Accident - One Year Ago

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of the car accident that claimed the life of my friend Angela. I can't believe its already been a year. I've been thinking a lot about her and her family these past few weeks. I wish there was something I could do or say but there really isn't. Anything I say comes out as trite (at best) and insulting (at worst).

The thing that surprises me the most of all when I experience the death of someone close, is how life just keeps moving. In a weird way, it takes the sting out of it a little but at the same time it seems a disrespectful.

I have lived and relived the moment of the accident a thousand times and each time I try to come up with something that I could have possibly done differently to change the outcome but it always ends the same....Angela dead and me in tears. Can't believe its going to be Christmas soon.

Trying to Find Balance

All my life I have struggled with this idea of creating balance in my life. Many of my friends say that I work too hard, I'm a little too intense and that I tend to take on too much. Basically, what they are saying is that my life is out of balance. Many times I feel like its out of balance as well but what does balance look like for me? Concepts such as harmony, symmetry, peace... come to mind but harmony between what? Is there a fight? If so, a fight over what? Generally in society people tend to fight over limited resources but what is the limited resource here that the various parts of me are fighting over? Is balance as simple as being at peace with where you are or is that just a new age cop out?

I'm Back

It's been a long time since I posted anything. This last year has been a year of growth and change. Of the many things that happened, three stick out as particularly huge. First, I started a masters program at the University of Santa Monica in Spiritual Psychology. Going through the first year of the program helped me to not only develop a strong set of tools for healing old wounds, but also apply them directly to my life. It's been a really healing time for me in many ways. The love and support I felt from my classmates was incredible. If nothing else, that feeling made everything totally worth it.

Second, I left my position at ICI to start my own company, Cadence Research & Consulting. Its been a fun and wild ride. I can honestly say that I have really enjoyed my time with my clients. I truly hope they and their companies do well. My intention for starting Cadence was to work with and for people I respect and whose company I enjoy. I know that attitude is not hardcore business, but those are the clients I want. If you are not nice, I don't want to work with or for you. So far its worked out really well. I think it can continue. Ironically, because I am in a start-up phase, I am really busy. So much so, I had to drop my USM program because I couldn't attend all the classes. The other thing that happened was that I lost my friendship with a very close friend, Jill. I still miss her friendship but I guess its time to move on.

Third, the accident. My friend Angela died about 9 months ago. Still feel like I can't write about it. She died. I lived. Why? In the weeks following the accident, my wounds healed quickly. I remember thinking that I was embarrassed about it. The heaviness of that moment always comes back.

Anyway, I will try to write more consistently.

Peace all...

Sugata

Transitions

Its been a long time since I posted anything despite some very major events in my life: major car accident, death of a friend (in the accident), death of another friend, loss of a very close friendship, our decision to sell our house, etc. Its just been very overwhelming. A lot of things going on and it seems like everything is changing. In some ways it seems like its changing for the better but all change is challenging...even if they are for the best.

Practical Jokes from the Universe

In the last few days, the Universe has played not just one but two good practical jokes on me. A little history first. One of the shows I love to watch is 'Scare Tactics' on cable. Its a pretty tame and silly show. Kind of like Punkd but with regular people. The catch phrase on the show is "Are you scared (they ask after they have scared the sh*t out of someone)? Well, you shouldn't be (the person either says 'why?' or are too flipped out to even be coherent at this point) because you are on Scare Tactics." Everyone laughs, the victim usually starts cursing, and the accomplice (the victims friend or family) comes out and also laughs.

I find the whole thing funny in a kind of sick masochistic way. Well, the other day I went home for lunch, made myself a sandwitch and watched a bit of Scare Tactics. As I was driving back to work, I was laughing to myself about what I had seen. I was almost to work when this car which had been waiting to turn left, lurched in front of me. I would have hit it but managed to avoid it by swerving out of the way. My heart was beating like crazy. At that very moment, I heard the following lines from an old Howard Jones song:

And do you feel scared - I do
But I wont stop and falter
And if we threw it all away
Things can only get better

It didn't occur to me that the joke was being pointed out to me until later that day when I made the connection. I know, I know some people will say its just coincidence. Maybe but I think it was a pretty funny joke.

The other funny joke was a few nights ago. I was cleaning up downstairs when I thought I saw a man standing outside swaying back and forth. In the darkness, I could make out an enormous head and a faint hint of a maniacal smile. It definitely made my heart jump once or twice. In the end, it turned out to be a balloon (pumpkin head for halloween). Ha! Another good one.

Here is to my favorite holiday...Halloween (which I will miss this year because I will be in class). Rats!