Accident - One Year Ago

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of the car accident that claimed the life of my friend Angela. I can't believe its already been a year. I've been thinking a lot about her and her family these past few weeks. I wish there was something I could do or say but there really isn't. Anything I say comes out as trite (at best) and insulting (at worst).

The thing that surprises me the most of all when I experience the death of someone close, is how life just keeps moving. In a weird way, it takes the sting out of it a little but at the same time it seems a disrespectful.

I have lived and relived the moment of the accident a thousand times and each time I try to come up with something that I could have possibly done differently to change the outcome but it always ends the same....Angela dead and me in tears. Can't believe its going to be Christmas soon.

Trying to Find Balance

All my life I have struggled with this idea of creating balance in my life. Many of my friends say that I work too hard, I'm a little too intense and that I tend to take on too much. Basically, what they are saying is that my life is out of balance. Many times I feel like its out of balance as well but what does balance look like for me? Concepts such as harmony, symmetry, peace... come to mind but harmony between what? Is there a fight? If so, a fight over what? Generally in society people tend to fight over limited resources but what is the limited resource here that the various parts of me are fighting over? Is balance as simple as being at peace with where you are or is that just a new age cop out?

I'm Back

It's been a long time since I posted anything. This last year has been a year of growth and change. Of the many things that happened, three stick out as particularly huge. First, I started a masters program at the University of Santa Monica in Spiritual Psychology. Going through the first year of the program helped me to not only develop a strong set of tools for healing old wounds, but also apply them directly to my life. It's been a really healing time for me in many ways. The love and support I felt from my classmates was incredible. If nothing else, that feeling made everything totally worth it.

Second, I left my position at ICI to start my own company, Cadence Research & Consulting. Its been a fun and wild ride. I can honestly say that I have really enjoyed my time with my clients. I truly hope they and their companies do well. My intention for starting Cadence was to work with and for people I respect and whose company I enjoy. I know that attitude is not hardcore business, but those are the clients I want. If you are not nice, I don't want to work with or for you. So far its worked out really well. I think it can continue. Ironically, because I am in a start-up phase, I am really busy. So much so, I had to drop my USM program because I couldn't attend all the classes. The other thing that happened was that I lost my friendship with a very close friend, Jill. I still miss her friendship but I guess its time to move on.

Third, the accident. My friend Angela died about 9 months ago. Still feel like I can't write about it. She died. I lived. Why? In the weeks following the accident, my wounds healed quickly. I remember thinking that I was embarrassed about it. The heaviness of that moment always comes back.

Anyway, I will try to write more consistently.

Peace all...

Sugata

Transitions

Its been a long time since I posted anything despite some very major events in my life: major car accident, death of a friend (in the accident), death of another friend, loss of a very close friendship, our decision to sell our house, etc. Its just been very overwhelming. A lot of things going on and it seems like everything is changing. In some ways it seems like its changing for the better but all change is challenging...even if they are for the best.