Practical Jokes from the Universe

In the last few days, the Universe has played not just one but two good practical jokes on me. A little history first. One of the shows I love to watch is 'Scare Tactics' on cable. Its a pretty tame and silly show. Kind of like Punkd but with regular people. The catch phrase on the show is "Are you scared (they ask after they have scared the sh*t out of someone)? Well, you shouldn't be (the person either says 'why?' or are too flipped out to even be coherent at this point) because you are on Scare Tactics." Everyone laughs, the victim usually starts cursing, and the accomplice (the victims friend or family) comes out and also laughs.

I find the whole thing funny in a kind of sick masochistic way. Well, the other day I went home for lunch, made myself a sandwitch and watched a bit of Scare Tactics. As I was driving back to work, I was laughing to myself about what I had seen. I was almost to work when this car which had been waiting to turn left, lurched in front of me. I would have hit it but managed to avoid it by swerving out of the way. My heart was beating like crazy. At that very moment, I heard the following lines from an old Howard Jones song:

And do you feel scared - I do
But I wont stop and falter
And if we threw it all away
Things can only get better

It didn't occur to me that the joke was being pointed out to me until later that day when I made the connection. I know, I know some people will say its just coincidence. Maybe but I think it was a pretty funny joke.

The other funny joke was a few nights ago. I was cleaning up downstairs when I thought I saw a man standing outside swaying back and forth. In the darkness, I could make out an enormous head and a faint hint of a maniacal smile. It definitely made my heart jump once or twice. In the end, it turned out to be a balloon (pumpkin head for halloween). Ha! Another good one.

Here is to my favorite holiday...Halloween (which I will miss this year because I will be in class). Rats!

Loading Trailer

One thing that I always do is slip into movies when things in my life are not going the way I want them to. I suppose that a lot of people do that (isn't that the point of most escapist movies - help you forget your life momentarily?). This weekend one old issue came up again and again: my feelings of not belonging to the group. It all bubbled to the surface when I bought the stuff to do the Coke/Menthos 'experiment' with the girls. To make a long story short, when the girls did the experiment, they did it with Laura and kept me out of it. I felt really bad about it and Laura tried to include me later but by then I was too upset to join in. I stayed mad/hurt for a long time.

My reaction was definitely over the top for the situation but it was more about the long term effects of not ever feeling like I was wanted. Its really hard to come to terms with it. Laura says that USM will help me work with this but at this point I don't even know what that means.

So, tonight I was sitting in front of my mac looking up trailers. As I went through trailer after trailer, the futility of it was quite obvious but I didn't want to stop. I wonder if smokers feel this way.

At this point, my only defense is to pull back. I think I do that because I want to be able to walk away before I am told that I am not wanted. But with each backward step I take, I feel that the vibrancy of life dims. I am living life through a glass window. I can see it all but not entirely clearly, hear most of it, but am somehow disconnected from it.

So, a toast to loading trailers...at least for now.

Right-doing and Wrong-doing

One of my most favorite quotes from the sufi mystic, Rumi, is "Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."

Its a beautifully worded reference to that place where our authentic self lives. Beyond our physical, mental and emotional selves, there is a place where our authentic place resides. In that place there is no duality and consequently no concept of right and wrong. This is challenging concept for many because our world seems to be based on duality. It is so pervasive that we almost can't outside of its terms. Up/down, black/white, on/off,....it seems like everything can be judged either on its inherent merits or in historical context. It seems this judgement is what causes so much pain in our world, especially when it is applied to a spiritual path. No one's spiritual path can simply be, it is either the 'right' path or the 'wrong' path.

Even the idea of a place without judgment seems so inviting and comforting. Rumi's call to meet us there is really a call for us to transcend our physical/mental/emotional boundaries and reach this place of peace. I love it. I hope I can progress toward that place.

Being Present

One of the exercises we did during the first weekend at USM was a guided meditation designed to help you identify an area to focus, something to work on during your stay at USM. After the meditation, many people shared what they discovered and what it meant for them. The topics were very interesting and quite varied.

When we started the meditation, I didn't know what to expect. Laura tends to have these very vivid meditations where she sees a lot very interesting stuff full of symbolic meaning. I tend not to. I am more likely to see an image unexpectedly than in a meditation. This one was different. I actually saw most of what the guide was describing. The area that came up for me was 'mindfulness.' At first I didn't quite get it but after some thought, I understood it to mean being present. At that moment, my experience from a week earlier at the triathlon, made complete sense to me (see earlier blog on my experience at the Carpinteria Triathlon). During the swim portion of the tri, i really freaked out because I felt that I didn't have the strength to continue and complete all that was before me. The only way I got through was by focusing on what was directly in front me and not worrying about the rest. That lesson I was reminded of and carried over to my experience at USM. Although it was really kind of scary to think about being there and extremely frightening to think about the upcoming two years, I managed not freak out by focusing on what was immediately before me.

This tendency to focus on the future or muddle around in the past has kept me in a lot of pain for a long time. Life is meant to be lived in the here and now.

Heart Centered Listening

Heart-centered listening was one of the first things that we were taught at USM. One of the ideas behind this is that its less important what you say than how you hold the person you are listening to. The trio I did on this was very impactful for me. I couldn't believe how much of a difference it made to really listen to someone while holding the view of their loving essence. I think it makes a huge difference to feel like you have been truly heard.

Some of the notes I took after my trio included the following comments: 1) everyone has a powerful life story to tell, 2) love is best expressed through your eyes, 3) hold the space and try to avoid jumping in with a solution or advice. As a man, it is really hard not to jump right in. I think in some ways I am conditioned to jump in to fix things. I have noticed that when I am in the 'fix it' mode, I am a poor listener. Along with these ideas of listening with your heart, seeing the loving essence of the individual, and not immediately jumping in to fix the problem, is another idea that fits into this and that is to hold the belief that each person has the ability to solve their own problems. Of course, that would mean that I too have the ability inside of me to solve my own problems. Its a good thought and I need to hold onto to it. I can solve my own problems. Cool.

First weekend - Initial Thoughts

Okay, now that I have had a few days to digest the weekend, here are some initial overall thoughts:

1) Ron and Mary are amazing at leading this program. They have been doing it for 28 years and I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to directly learn from them. There are a number of very talented people who have also learned from them but I can't imagine how you can easily replace them. They combine humor, compassion and teaching in a truly exceptional way.

2) Everyone I have met have been truly exceptional in a fundamental sort of way. I don't mean for this to come out weird, but by the end of the weekend, everyone looked really beautiful.... radiant.

3) No one asked me what I did for a living, if I was married or single, if I had kids, etc. Things like that came up occasionally but it was in the course of conversation. These things didn't define me. I really loved that. I got to be me, at least to a certain extent.

4) I was so nervous before classes started, I almost threw up (literally)

5) USM is a super organized program. Its very impressive.

Thats all for now....

USM - More Initial Thoughts

So, my first USM weekend in done! Yea! For those of you who don't know, I just started a master's program (yes, another one) at the University of Santa Monica in Spiritual Psychology. Its the same program that my wife, Laura, completed a couple of years ago. What is spiritual psychology you may ask. Well, the USM website describes spiritual psychology as the following:

Spiritual Psychology is the study and practice of the art and science of human evolution in consciousness. In order to fulfill this quest, we must begin by distinguishing the essence of human evolution—what does it mean to evolve? In short, it means surrendering anything in consciousness that disturbs one’s peace. It also means sacrificing our illusions of separation. Essentially, this “surrendering” and “sacrificing” is work that can and has been called “healing,” which includes healing on the physical, mental, and emotional levels in service to the deeper revelation of who we truly are as Loving, Peaceful, Compassionate and Joyful beings. We refer to this level of awareness as the Authentic Self.
There are concepts underlying this approach that many members of the family would find challenging: existence of a soul, illusion of separation, illusion of duality, etc. Still, it works for me and I think it will help me achieve my goals.

After seeing the impact that the program has had on Laura's life and our family, I decided to enter into this program because I too want to heal from negative experiences of the past, learn tools and techniques to better deal with challenges issues as they come before me, and (most importantly) be a better person to all those whose lives I come in contact with. My email interaction with Ben recently, shows just how far I have to go.

I also have a professional reason for attending USM. I think it will make me a better executive in my current role, and it will open up opportunities in the future. I think there is a place for soul-centered communication in the corporate world. While there are many 'life coaches' attempting to bring stability and balance at the individual level, I want to address the issue at the higher organizational level. I've been to a few seminars that try to get at this but I think there is an opportunity to do better. I don't think I can be effective in this area without first working through my own issues and developing a deep understanding of the tools/techniques available.

The class is held one weekend a month for 9 months with a 5 day summer session. Its a two year program. So, this last weekend, I went to my first weekend. Laura was really supportive and watched the girls as I went. I really owe alot to Laura for her support and providing me with the space to do this. There is no way I could do this without her backing.

The weekend was really good but I was really nervous at the beginning, so much so, that I thought I was going to vomit before class started. The schedule is Friday from 7-11pm, Saturday 10-9:30pm, and Sunday 9-7:30pm. Its really long but thankfully the moderators don't talk the entire time. This is not to say that the instructors aren't good. They are amazing (see note below). The format is basically large group instruction lead by three instructors at the front, large group sharing, and practice of the concepts in three-person breakout groups. The time goes by surprisingly fast.

A quick note about the two main discussion leaders: Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick. The best way to describe them is to say they are gifted in what they do. They brilliently combine humor, compassion, and deep insight into the material being taught. The best place to see their brillience in action is in the large group sharing. Questions, and comments loaded with deeply personal stuff come out of the blue. Sometimes, I wonder how in the world they are going to make this work but sure enough they manage it. Its quite amazing. I think they are able to do it partly because of their commitment to the students and their unwavering belief of the material being taught. They are not just teaching words from books but helping people to heal some very deep wounds and raise their consciousness. I've already seen a number of things that have just blown me away.

In the next few days, I will write about some of what I learned in this past weekend. This is plenty long for now...

USM - First Day

Okay, I am about to leave for my first day at USM. I have to admit that I am a little nervous but hopefully things will go okay. I can't imagine that they will get into much of anything of real substance. I do like being in Santa Monica. The city vibe is always nice. Laura gave me some last minute suggestions. Lets see what happens.

Carpinteria Tri - Final Thoughts

Things that I learned from my triathlon:

– Always prepare mentally and physically. In fact, the mental part may be even more important. I think I told myself that I would be in the bottom half of the group and I was. Given my state of mind, I don’t think it would have been possible to do much better.
– Swimming in cold, foggy, and choppy conditions suck but its made worse when you freak out about it.
– If you allow yourself to think that quitting is an option, then your mind won’t let go of it. You will be constantly evaluating if you can/should continue or not. If that option is removed from the table, then the question becomes how to achieve micro-goals (e.g. swim just a little farther, pedal a little longer, run to the next telephone pole). Big achievements are based on setting and reaching these micro-goals. After I had a mini-panic attack during the swim portion, using this approach was the only way I saw myself to the end.
– Volunteers are the best and it doesn’t hurt to say thank you.
– Athletic women are hot. I think their hotness comes from not just being fit but more from a confident state of mind, and a willingness to take on something challenging.
- Medals are cooler than t-shirts and their importance grows as you get older (although I always liked medals)
- Enjoying an event is purely a state of mind thing

Okay, thats enough for now.